When Love and Hate Collides

I always in a working trip. And I usually have no complaint about it, even if it means that I have to sacrifice my weekends for it. I just loathe routine, so I regard traveling even for work purposes as a great escapade from the mundane desk work.

I usually come back to the office inspired - knowing the project that I’d been harboring for days (even months) is bringing impact to some people’s lives. It’s a satisfaction.

However, my recent trip to Kuching had been nothing but a great despair. No doubt that all the programmes were a success and our counterpart in Sarawak had been very great and helpful.

But something had happened. I should spare the details for later but Mr Famous Amos had told me that I was over reacting – in his exact word- I was being a drama queen. He could be right, or not. I admit for being over sensitive, for taking everything personally. But I do take great pride of my job. I’m not implying here that I’m a pekerja cemerlang or what- it’s just that I love what I’m doing and I’m thankful for being able to work on the issues that are really close to my heart. Thus, I seriously don’t mind going for the extra mile to get the job done.

But when my (our) reputation was being in question- I really could not take it. Perhaps my colleagues- Mr Famous Amos and Ms HM had the patience to actually sit still and swallowed the accusations. But not me-the rebellious Aquarian.

I got to bed early that night with the hope to end the misery- I had enough for one day. But the moment I woke up the next morning, the unpleasant thought just spurred back to my mind. Oh yes, I can forgive easily, but never forget.

I guess our spirit and enthusiasm were just gone. Nevertheless, we managed to put ourselves together and got the job done- and even been congratulated later!

The next day, I took the first flight home. My colleagues had persuaded me to take the evening flight- to unwind ourselves before we get back to KL, but I just couldn’t. What I needed at time like that was some time alone, for me to reflect. And what a better way to do that rather than in the sky.

So I got the tune “Hands in My Pocket” blasted from my I-pod over and over again and this phrase never failed to put a smile on my otherwise grim face.

I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby